Colors and feelings

I watch the sky turn pink and purple and orange and indigo and wonder how those colors fade into each other. I know it’s refraction of light, but it’s also a little magic. I’m on the bus headed home from Florida, the first leg – not even into Alabama yet.

Mom is doing better and it’s awesome and scary. I’m confronted straightforwardly with the hole waiting to be ripped in my heart when she is gone. Today we laid on her bed and talked about her funeral. Playing Time in Bottle. We both cried. I asked if she was scared, she shook her head no. Just sad? A nod. She said she was not sad for herself only sad for me and jake and dad. She asked if I wanted anything at her funeral and I said no. I told that when she is gone from this world it won’t change anything. I will still have her love and she will still have mine.

And I mean it. Insomuch as I can’t confess to her I’m going die with her and awake on the other side as a motherless, childless daughter floating through the world, a bleeding wounded heart trudging forward hoping she can hear me when I cry.

The sky is completely dark now. Just so you know.

One Comment on "Colors and feelings"

  1. You’re in my thoughts. <3

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