I watch the sky turn pink and purple and orange and indigo and wonder how those colors fade into each other. I know it’s refraction of light, but it’s also a little magic. I’m on the bus headed home from Florida, the first leg – not even into Alabama yet.
Mom is doing better and it’s awesome and scary. I’m confronted straightforwardly with the hole waiting to be ripped in my heart when she is gone. Today we laid on her bed and talked about her funeral. Playing Time in Bottle. We both cried. I asked if she was scared, she shook her head no. Just sad? A nod. She said she was not sad for herself only sad for me and jake and dad. She asked if I wanted anything at her funeral and I said no. I told that when she is gone from this world it won’t change anything. I will still have her love and she will still have mine.
And I mean it. Insomuch as I can’t confess to her I’m going die with her and awake on the other side as a motherless, childless daughter floating through the world, a bleeding wounded heart trudging forward hoping she can hear me when I cry.
The sky is completely dark now. Just so you know.
it’s later now, as you can see
And we’re still moving eastward.
I read some Bene brown, and some Carl hiaasen and did a few hours of work. And I ate a gas station deli case sandwhich (you know the kind) and it was really good and I think that means I should pack better food for these trips.
I’ve had my row to myself for the trip so far. If I’m extra lucky that will hold true at the next stop as well since I plan to try to catch some sleep.
Speaking of sleep, this free app is awesome, with nice background music that I listen to even when I’m not sleeping. (No affiliate linkage, just sharing the love)
I’m on the bus to Florida, which has just become a thing I do sometimes now. It’s annoying in some ways, long and peopleful and juggle your stuff between buses-y. But also nice because on top of taking me to see my mom, buses these days have wifi and outlets and it’s solitary and not much is expected of me for many hours.
Today I have Bene Browns book: “The Gifts of Imperfection” and a new travel blanket and a lot of time to reflect on my gratitude.
For my birthday, I bought myself a Beginner Yoga Jumpstart package. The goal was to do 6 days of yoga a week. I ~almost made it. I ended up doing too many fun things and staying out too late on my birthday and missing a day; no regrets! I did morning and evening yoga the next day to make up for it.
I’m so behind the times, but I real like the idea of ‘practicing’ things. Yoga, writing, socializing. I tend to want to immediately excel at things, and while this can be a good thing – pushing me to push myself and work hard, it can also lend to me giving up on things I don’t seem to have a natural affinity for. So for now, I’m ‘practicing’.
It seems to me that 2014 wasn’t kind to a lot of people around, and mostly everyone was ready to kick it to the curb. But 2014 was pretty good to me. I don’t think I even talked about it here, but early in the year I was able to go to nerd camp (MakerSquare) through my employer and am now working on the development team. That was/is pretty pivotal thing.
I ran a lot more miles than I even thought possible this year. I had 2 months that hit 100 miles each and I hit 700 for year. Given that I was hesitant to make a 500 mile goal in January, I’m super happy with how my year in running turned out. (My husband started running on weekends with me, and one of my coworkers and I have been running twice a week together, so those things were big helps).
I’m hoping 2015 brings me 1000 miles of happy running, and I’d like to throw in 1000 push-ups too. If I could find a way to do one full pull-up (or 10, or 100), I would be over the moon.
I have some other ideas – but I haven’t fleshed them out fully yet. Maybe I’ll even write them down here soon.
It was pouring this morning when we (me and my husband) woke up, so we declared it lazy Saturday. Usually we run despite the weather, but I run for fun and sanity and getting soaked didn’t seem like it would bring me either of those.
I lazed on the couch reading Women Who Run With The Wolves for a few hours – which I think I really needed. Then I decided I wanted to make pumpkin bread, but I needed applesauce, so it was a good excuse to get dressed and venture into the world.
After procuring applesauce and some honeycrisp apple juice (did you know that’s a thing? I didn’t, but now I do and I can’t quit) I made and we had pumpkin bread for brunch.
The weather was cool and overcast and I thought a little run around the neighborhood would shake the ants out of my pants.
Now we’re back on the couch
watching mocking Leprechaun and seriously considering a ridiculous bed time.
I declare lazy Saturday a striking success!
Today’s run was pretty hard. The humidity is not my friend and it seems like every week on hill day it’s at 97% just for spite. But just as I was about to give out – I actually sent my running partner on and said I needed a break (fully intending to walk back), I gave myself a stern pep-talk, shook it off, and ran it in, focusing only on form – not pace. Surprisingly that last mile ended up as my second-fastest of 4.
I’m feeling like I need more solid running and fitness goals. I’ve been doing a lot lately, and I’ve cut my times down some, which has been nice. But as someone who doesn’t really enjoy racing, I need to set some personal milestones so that I feel like I’m really working towards something. But it’s the deadest heat of summer, so I’m not very motivated in that regard.
Today, though, I found that there is a park near my house with a little jogging trail AND! a pool. So I’m going to go check that out first thing on Sunday, and maybe work some swimming into my routine for the rest of August. We’ll see how it goes.
Also, it’s my birthday month and I should think of some kind of running related goal for that.