I sometimes feel like all the projects I’ve done and abandoned have just been wasted. I know they’re not really, but I’m jealous of those bloggers from way back who are still around with the same domain and sporadic 13-year archives of memories.
I wish I was more inspired, and more inspiring, and less of quitter and that I knew what I really wanted and had some skill besides ‘go to girl’.
/emo-whinging
I should get ebb&flow tattooed on myself, but it would redundant to anyone who knows me ;)
It’s been a while because sometimes I don’t know what to say, or I feel like what I have to say is banal that no one will care. But I miss writing some days, and I like my archives and think I should keep adding to them.
This weekend was as low-key as I wanted it to be. After spending parts of the last 2 weekend flying, and with some big changes on the horizon at work tomorrow, I was anxious to do a lot of nothing, and I excelled at it.
On Saturday morning I went for a long run – 10ish miles, which is the longest I’ve done since the half-marathon. I wasn’t sure I had it in me, but I managed to help myself by zigging when I should have zagged and ended up not where I thought I should be. But a nice couple pointed me in the right direction, and the mileage ended up perfect and it was a nice, if hot, day. And I got to see lots of doggies as I ran next to the Mighty Texas Dog Walk.
Then there was much laziness and watching of bad movies (Pet Cemetary II) and so-bad-its-good tv-shows (Knight Rider) and lots of smarties and laughing. And I downloaded and love “Ticket to Ride” for the iPad, so I played that while totally paying attention to the aforementioned shows.
Today, I slept in, then made these Buffalo Chicken Cupcakes and a no-bake lemon cheesecake for Easter, and we hung out before deciding it would be nice to head downtown to check out REI.
Now my night is winding down, and this post seems run-on and boring, but I’m hitting Publish anyways.
I’m easily distracted, and work has been busy and frustrating.
and I can’t update because mostly I feel like the same emo girl I’ve been since I was old enough to introspect, rehashing the same shit I’ve always been rehashing.
Popcorn
Long slow runs
Pineapple vodka
Vampire Diaries
Lemon icebox cake
Purple everything
I joined this group called Six Sentences once a while back (ok, it was almost three years ago – it feels closer). I only wrote a few stories, but they’re kind of the best things I ever wrote. Here are three of them.
Concrete
I keep remembering that time we drove the beach in the mid of winter to watch the sunrise. I think we both knew it was over then, but those moments, when it was just us and the seagulls, they let us keep pretending. I want to tell you I’m sorry, but I’m not sure it’s true. Instead, I tell you about the weather here, and my new t-shirt. Because if I let you go, I’m afraid the memories will fall away as well, like those grains of sand I so casually shook from my hair. But I guess we both know, letting go has never been my weakness.
wrong side
That song came on while I was in the shower. I caught myself just seconds before I toothbrushed my armpit. I had to stick my fingers down the drain to fish out my earring. Then, the water went cold. Just as I reached to turn the faucet off, I remembered the towels were still in the dryer. Still, I’m blaming these tears on the soap in my eyes.
Shaking the story
I’m not finding the right words today, to tell you about I learned to fish from my father. I was 3 or 4 and the cast net was the biggest thing I had seen. I keep putting it off, reading my thesaurus, reciting old poems to myself and blinking back to the screen. It was so dark, and the stars so clear. Do you do that, when the story tugs too tightly? I’m fighting it, but it comes in spurts to spite me.
I dreamt last night I was on a beach with my dad and husband. At dusk, I took off for a run down the hard, packed sand – past pretty girls trying to get into bars, moms with unruly kids, and teenagers with drama. And I felt like I always do when I run, like my hair isn’t so bad, and it really is all going to be okay.
I sold my tickets to see TMBG/Coulton on Craigslist today because, and I quote myself here “They say I should live every day as if it’s my last, and if it’s my last day on earth, all I really want to do is stay home, eat cake, and have a drink.”
I rarely say ‘rabbit rabbit’, but my dear friend Melanie, who challenged me to post every day of February does – so it seemed fitting.
January was busy, but good – but I’ll save a recap for later.
February is off to a mellow start, but promises to ramp up. I’m showing my geek and age by seeing TMBG w/ Jonathan Coulton on Friday, and I’m showing my half-crazy by running a half-marathon on the 19th.
These are big deals if you know how lazy low-key I usually am :)
It’s been a lazy but not relaxing or restorative weekend. I’m not doing very well with my only NY resolution of living more deliberately. But tomorrow is another day, another week, another chance to try again.
Today was a quite perfect Saturday, and I’m not just saying that because I am tipsy (which I am).
Started my morning with a nice run, 7 miles – which is an accomplishment given my last 3 weeks of travel and slackertude. First, some really nice guy was running next to me in a narrow pathway and I ran on the train-tracks to give him room – and he said to me ‘you don’t need to run on the tracks, you have a right to run here too’ and I kinda love him and I’ve seem him before and hope I can see him again and say thanks instead of bee-lining it to the nearby restroom and half crying because I’m a weirdo. But a grateful and happy weirdo.
After my run, I ate, then napped, then ate again. Then I spent some time remembering my kid-geek roots and and re-reading The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.
Then I did some freelance front-end dev work, which I love. And I get paid for? C’mon, awesome!
Now I’m mostly drunk and we watched ‘Dale and Tucker versus Evil‘ with Alan Tudyk and Socks from Reaper. It was great.
And really, it was a really nice first weekend of the New Year, and I’m glad that it included almost all the parts of what I want every weekend to be like!
